Fifty Shades: Abuse

If you do a quick Google search you can rather easily find a comparison of the relationship between Twilight's Edward and Bella and the "Signs That You're In an Abusive Relationship" chart, which can be found here.  In this search, the searcher looks each of the "signs" and compares it to the relationship between Edward and Bella, although without providing context this comparison can easily be dismissed.  I don't agree fully with the comparison itself, but I also don't disagree with it.  There are many forms of abuse within the Edward and Bella relationship, and I do think it's a huge problem that the books present this as normal.

But, I'm not here to talk about Twilight, I'm here to talk about everyone's favourite erotica Fifty Shades.  The comparison done for Twilight made me want to do a comparison for Fifty Shades - although, I am going to try to avoid reference to the sexual aspect of their relationship.  I don't think that the bondage and what not that Ana and Christian partake in is abusive, not most of the time.  There are a few moments when Christian might cross the line for Ana, but they do utilize a safe word and I think in cases where Christian crosses the line and Ana doesn't use the safe word then what happens to her is her own fault - if you don't safe word, you appear as though you're consenting, and we do see Ana safe word in Fifty Shades Freed, causing Christian to immediately stop.  That being said, there are many other signs.  Just a quick note: I'm only including in this list the signs that are relevant.  In the original list, there are twenty-four signs, with the note that "the more 'yes' answers, the more likely it is that you’re in an abusive relationship."

Your Inner Thoughts and Feelings

Do you: Feel afraid of your partner much of the time?  While Ana's fear of Christian does appear to diminish over time she does spend a lot of the first two books constantly afraid of him.  Even when this fear does seem to lessen after their marriage she still walks on egg shells around him and fears his anger.

Avoid certain topics out of fear of angering your partner? This, combined with the first sign, is the most important one according to this chart, which states "the most telling sign is fear of your partner. If you feel like you have to walk on eggshells around your partner—constantly watching what you say and do in order to avoid a blow-up—chances are your relationship is unhealthy and abusive."  This is also really characteristic of the relationship between Ana and Christian.  Even post-marriage, Ana is constantly avoiding telling Christian things because of how he might react.  She fears telling him about her decision to keep her surname at work and is often annoyed with Kate for bringing up subjects that are going to upset Christian and, consequently, get her into trouble.

Believe that you deserve to be hurt or mistreated? This one's a bit tricky and borders on their sexual relationship.  There are times when Ana does seem to think that she should be punished for her behaviour because it doesn't meet with what Christian approves of.

Feel emotionally numb or helpless? This one's a bit tricky.  There are certainly periods when Ana appears to feel helpless, although I'm not certain if it really qualifies here.  She definitely appears rather helpless in regards to preventing Christian's anger, short of giving up her autonomy.

Your Partner's Belittling Behaviour

 Does Your Partner: Humiliate or yell at you? Christian yells at Ana and often.  While this in itself doesn't necessarily say that it's an abusive relationship - people fight, it happens - the cause of his yelling does.  Christian yells at Ana when she fails to obey him, and the degree of obedience that he demands is abusive.

Treat you so badly that your embarrassed for your friends or family to see? Ana is definitely embarrassed when Christian yells at her, although he does tend to restrain himself in front of friends and family.  The closest that we can see here is his treatment of her in front of Mrs. Jones and Taylor, which often embarrasses Ana.  A good example of this is his reaction to finding out that Ana's pregnant - she's horrified to realize that Mrs. Jones heard the interaction.

Ignore or put down your opinions or accomplishments? I don't think that Christian ignores or puts down Ana's accomplishments per say, but instead he does seem to treat her as though she can't accomplish more without his help.  When she gets her job, he treats it as though she only succeeded in getting the job because her new boss wanted to sleep with her.  He then treats her as though she's incapable of rising in her chosen career unless he buys the business and gives it to her.  She's incapable without him.

Blame you for their own abusive behaviour? Even outside of the bedroom, Christian does blame her for a lot.  He's very much a 'I wouldn't have to yell at you if you did what you were told' type of person - which is even furthered by the fact that he repeatedly says how he'd like to punish her in a non-sexual manner for his misbehaviour.

See you as property or a sex object, rather than as a person? This one's really tricky, and is more evident in the first book than the later ones.  The thing that really distinguishes Ana from Christian's previous partners is that Ana insists on being seen as a person and not property or a sex object.  When looking at it this way, it strongly suggests that Christian's relationships with his previous subs were abusive - as was his relationship with Mrs. Robinson, although there he was the abused.  I'm not going to criticize the subculture to which these relationships belonged, but I am going to say that the way that Christian entered into them is a sign of abuse.

Your Partner's Violent Behaviour or Threats

Does your partner: Have a bad and unpredictable temper? I would actually say that Christian has a very predictable temper. He's almost always angry about something that Ana has done, no matter how small it might be.  At one point he gets angry with her for going to pick up her boss a coffee, despite the fact that doing so is within her job description.

Hurt you, threaten to hurt or kill you? Christian often threatens to hurt Ana, or talks about his desire to punish her for her behaviour.  In the second book part of the plot is fuelled by the fact that he keeps on threatening her in emails sent to her work address.

Threaten to commit suicide if you leave? I'm not sure if Christian ever threatens to commit suicide if she leaves, but he does completely shut down when he thinks that she's going to leave.  The threat of a physical death may not be present, but the threat of a more mental/emotional one is.

Your Partner's Controlling  Behaviour

Does your partner: Act jealous and possessive? In Christian's mind every man who meets Ana wants her, something that causes numerous fights between the couple.  Ana is even afraid of mentioning Jose, her longtime friend, because of the fight that might ensue.

Control you where you go or what you do? Control is a key part of Christian's personality, and his control over Ana is an important part of the plot.  Through the course of the three books he tries to restrict where she can see her friends as well as what friends she sees, and what she does.  He tries to keep her from going to work and doesn't seem to understand her desire to have a job or a life that is in any way independent from his control.

Keep you from seeing your friends or family? This is kind of a yes and no.  Christian seems to want to dictate what friends Ana's allowed to see, as well as the terms under which she's allowed to see them.  Jose, is one of the friends that he tries to keep her from seeing, while Kate is one of the friends that he tries to restrict how she can see.  The fact that there is the possibility of a sexual relationship between Jose and Ana (even though she insists that she's not interested, and after his attempt at a pass during which they were both drunk he doesn't continue to pursue her) is irrelevant, given Christian's continued relationship with both Mrs. Robinson and his es-subs - many of whom he supports financially.

Limit your access to money, the phone, or the car? Christian does limit her access to cars rather regularly.  Ana is only allowed to drive when Christian gives her permission to do so.  While he doesn't limit her access to money specifically, he seems to think that the only money she should have is money that he gives her - he tries to limit her ability to earn her own money.

Constantly check up on you? And how.  Christian stalks Ana to such a point that it even becomes an important plot point - the way she's able to survive the third book is because she expects him to have access to her phone's GPS so that he can stalk her after she appears to leave him.  This isn't the first time that he's done so, stalking regularly comes up.  He does send her regular text messages throughout the day and calls her regularly too. While I'm not going to say that that in itself is abusive or stalking, his reaction when she doesn't answer immediately is rather extreme.  Rather than assuming that she's busy or unable to respond right away he gets very upset if she doesn't respond back or call when she says she will he constantly overreacts.  On several occasions he has stormed into her place of work simply because Ana didn't answer her phone.  He has also cut short business trips because he was unable to get a hold of Ana and even invades her trip to visit her mother - which she took in order to take a break from him.

So, yeah.  The chart listed twenty-four signs, seventeen of which can be applied in a manner to the relationship between Christian and Ana.  While not all of these are very clear cut signs of abuse, a lot of them are.  Furthering this is the information from the chart that I used as this post's picture.  According to this, "abusive individuals need to feel in charge of the relationship" - as seen by their need to make decisions for you or the family, the expectation that you "obey without question" and the fact that they might "treat you like a servant, child, or even as his or her possession" - all of which apply to Christian.   Furthermore, an abuser may "prevent you from going to work" and "you may have to ask permission to do anything, go anywhere, or see anyone."  Ana even has to ask permission to drive her car - compounded by the fact that she is denied permission to continue driving the car that she owned at the start of the series.  For me, the clincher is Christian's excuses.  The site says "they will blame their abusive and violent behavior on a bad childhood, a bad day, and even on the victims of their abuse."  This certainly applies to Christian.  In my opinion, however, the worst part is the fact that within the series even the people who know about Christian's behaviour - most notably his psychologist Dr. Flynn - support him in it and encourage Ana to stand by him.