Genre: Erotic Fiction
Rating: F
Despite the many flaws of the Fifty
Shades books, I can say that there is one thing that I actually really
liked about them: the titles. The name “Fifty
Shades” in itself refers to Christian Grey and as you read the books it kind of
becomes apparent that the protagonist is not narrator Ana so much as it is her
lover, Christian. Sure, things don’t
follow him as nicely, but the story is more about his development and growth
than it is about hers. Fifty Shades of Grey sets up who
Christian is, while Fifty Shades Darker
divulges deeper into his many, many issues.
The finale, Fifty Shades Freed
shows Christian being freed from his plethora of issues.
I really had to force myself to read this book. I tried to read it when I read the first two,
but I just could not get into it. I
spent the first four chapters yelling at the book and rolling my eyes and
feeling just overall bothered by it. So
I put it down and moved on to other things.
Then I came back to it, because despite my dislike of the series I did
want to finish it. I like completing
things, no matter how bad they are.
At one point in the novel, Ana thinks to herself “I’ve had enough of
his cavalier, petulant, and frankly childish behaviour.” I’m glad that she’s finally had enough of it –
I’d had enough of it fairly early on in the first book. Christian is a fucking child and acts like
one – and he treats Ana like a child.
There is no development on this.
For a moment she finally stands up for herself and points out the
bullshit way that he treats her and the way that he insists on getting his own
way… then he starts talking about sex and she caves. Because the way to solve all problems is to
fuck. I get that this is erotica, but I
really hate going “this really dramatic thing happened and they almost died and
now they’re fucking lots” or “fight, fight, fight, Christian basically abuses
her, sex.” I think that’s what I hate
most about these books. It’s not the
poor writing or the melodramatic plot, but rather the fact that none of the
issues between the two protagonists ever seems to get resolved and everything is
just some sort of preamble for them to have sex. There are a few moments in the series that I
found hot, but they tended to not actually be the sex ones. The scene in Freed when Ana washes Christian’s hair was amazingly hot – right up
until Christian started talking about fucking her. When you think about the hottest moments in a
movie or book it’s never the actual sex, that’s just sex. It’s the moments of tenderness between the
characters. Fifty Shades doesn’t have many of these moments, and the ones that
it does have are often quickly ruined by Christian being a douche.
What else… I’m not going to touch on things like the stalking and Ray’s
accidents, because simply put I think James’ attempts to introduce suspense to
the story are really just ridiculous and over the top. I’m not going to touch on the pregnancy because…
well, really, the whole thing pisses me off and I don’t want to go off on a
rant about how much of a giant douche Christian is or about how when I read
erotica I don’t want to have to also read about transvaginal ultrasounds and
the importance of using protection.
Also, did I mention that Christian’s a giant douche? And a sexist one at that.
I’m not going to get into any of that because I’ve spent enough time
yelling at this book and rolling my eyes while reading it. I don’t need to do the same while writing a
review of it. I will give Ana credit in
one count: when she gets pregnant she does stand up for herself. The problem is, by this time I’m so used to
their ridiculous fights that go nowhere that even as she’s standing up for
herself I’m waiting for her to back down and fuck Mr. Perfect. And really, she didn’t fail me there. She stood up for herself, but as soon as
Christian started giving her the silent treatment she effectively broke. When your husband flips out on you for
getting pregnant (because he of course had nothing to do with it) then goes and
gets drunk with his ex you’re not supposed to essentially forgive him – at least
through your actions if not your thoughts – within a day. I think I just came to the conclusion that I
would have liked these books a lot more if they had acknowledge Christian’s
douchery more. As messed up as it is, it
would have made him a more attractive character. There’s something hot about things that you
know are wrong and bad for you. There’s nothing
hot about things that are wrong and bad for you when they’re presented as being
completely normal and okay – and I’m not talking about the sex. Furthermore, in not really standing up for
herself Ana just becomes this wet towel of a character; the type of woman who
brushes away domestic abuse because, well, he didn’t really mean to punch her
in the face he was just having a bad day and had had a bit too much to
drink. Sure Christian doesn’t physically
abuse her (outside of the bedroom, which doesn’t count because that’s part of
an agreed upon sexual act that both parties enjoy), but he’s still abusive.
I think I need to wrap this up.
When I was in high school I was always told that when providing
criticism I should do so in what my teachers called “feedback sandwiches” (or
something to that extent) and I called “shit sandwiches.” According to them you were supposed to say a
good thing, then a bad thing, then another good thing, and repeat for each bad
thing that you said. The way I’ve always
done it, however, is to say at least one good thing, then all the bad things
(sometimes with a few other good things tossed in there), and then finish on a
good thing. Instead of the feedback
sandwiches that overload you on all the good stuff and thus potentially lose
the bad stuff, I try to provide the manwich of shit sandwiches. So, to close this review of Fifty Shades Freed, I’m going to end on a good note, something that I’m happy
about in regards to this novel. I’m
happy that it’s finished and that I will most likely never again read another
book by E.L. James. Oh, also, the Epilogue made me feel much better about the Epilogue in Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows. I'm even okay with "Albus Severus Potter."
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